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You want to wear a what????

October 29, 2010

Hello, Belle here. The kids seem occupied for a few minutes, so I thought I better pop in and prove that I exist. 🙂 Jnuts has given you the run down about who we are and how we ended up venturing into MC. I am hoping that I can show some female insight into why I think this is working for us.

First of all to call me timid sexually is an understatement.  I am not a prude by any means.  We have played with toys, candle wax, anal sex, mild bondage, ect…  I just don’t initiate. EVER. This is a problem. Jnuts felt guilty pushing all the time, and I would give in because I had the, “What does it really hurt me to put out?” attitude. What it hurt is our relationship. We both started dreading going to bed.  I was nervous he would push, and he knew not to push because he would get rejected. This caused a lot of unspoken resentment, which transferred to other parts of our life. I felt anger because I am stuck home all day with 2 babies under 17 months old, then when he did come home the tension was there. We were quickly heading into the unhappy marriage dept, and neither one of us wanted that. I had been there, done that. Enter MC.

It all started as a simple request actually. I was set to start a new bc pill, and I made what I thought was a simple request during sex one night.  I asked him if he could not cum during the week that it took the pills to become effective.  We had been using condoms for a few months since our youngest child had been born.  I was not a fan, when my husband cums inside of me, I want to be able to feel it. I guess this request sparked an interest for Jnuts, because the next day he started reading up on Orgasm Denial, and seeing the benefits.  Less than 24 hours after what I thought was a simple request I was now being told the benefits of MC. I have to admit at first I was a little like, “Ok, whatever.”  Devices were not discussed at this point, only the fact that he wanted me to determine when he can cum. I went along with it, and after playing through a cycle, I could really see benefits already.  My husband, who was always very sweet and would help if asked, now helped WITHOUT being asked.  He was in a much better mood (except for M&M rage, but I will let him explain that) and we were happier overall. That is all I need.  I am still struggling with “What if someone finds out?”, and more than anything the Dom/Sub thing scares me, but oh well. This works for us, and that is all that matters.

More on the device choice and such later, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is over!

6 comments

  1. Hi Belle, nice post and welcome to the blogging world!

    Re: the Dom/sub thing–don’t be scared of it because IMHO, it’s not going to happen. Yes, I know, you’ve probably read blogs where someone posted, “I locked the CB on my husband and in that moment, Mistress Athena emerged! The very next morning, I made him wear my flame-red silky panties to work!” Okay, maybe that’s true for some people but frankly, when I read stuff like that, my bullshit meter goes on red alert. LOL.

    You have come at this from a totally different dynamic which I think is very common and for which MC seems to be an excellent solution. I have seen several posts wherein the man says, “I never had any idea how much I was [asking] [pressuring] [requesting] [begging] (insert word of your choice) my wife for sex until I started wearing a chastity device.” And when we women get that request, our brain says, “Sex = intercourse and I am not in the mood for that,” and thus we say no. That begins the vicious cycle: ask for sex/say no/man gets pissy/woman feels guilty. Rinse, lather and repeat, night after night. The thing is, sex does not have to equal intercourse as many of us learn very quickly once orgasms become denied.

    My situation is not exactly the same which you will know if you have been reading the blog. My husband was practicing a form of orgasm denial (I don’t think consciously) and saying to me, “My pleasure is your pleasure.” Trouble is, I didn’t believe it, even though this had been the situation for probably 2 years…maybe longer. I still thought/believed that without an orgasm, he wouldn’t be happy. But, once he was locked up and *couldn’t* have an orgasm–and he was still saying “MPIYP”–then suddenly I realized it was true.

    All of this rambling is to say that you and I as women have come to MC because of something having to do with our sexual relationship and the give-and-take between us and our husbands. This is how/where I see the parallels between my situation and yours, even though they weren’t exactly the same. In both cases, what we were going through had nothing to do with a D/s dynamic and which is why you are not suddenly going to turn into a whip-wielding Dom (and it is why I am not, either).

    If you read my conceptual model blog post, you’ll see I get into the difference between a consensual power exchange and a total power exchange and I think that’s a key point, too, that needs to be kept in mind.

    Thanks again for your post and sorry for this long comment! It’s just something that has been on my mind since Ab and I started playing this game.

    Also, it’s great to have another woman join the MC blogosphere. Thanks for speaking up and thanks for being open to the idea when jnuts suggested it. More women need to get the message that MC is okay, because it is!

    Dev


  2. Thanks Dev. The My Pleasure is Your Pleasure thing was an issue here also. I just didn’t get it. I was stuck in the preconceived notion that is pounded into our heads that sex for men equals orgasm. No matter what Jnuts told me, I thought he was lying to make me feel better. MC changed that, showing me that he really does get excited pleasing me!


  3. It’s a hard thing to learn and believe. We had a major MPIYP session last night though, so I know it’s true. 🙂

    D


  4. Hi Belle:

    I guess we are in a similar situation. The Sub/Dom thing seems like an issue but I think MC is exactly what you wish it to be. Great that jnuts is enjoying doing more for you *And thats where we are as well. Hope the device works better however then ours has so far.


    • You may have said elsewhere but i dont recall. What device are you using?


  5. Yeah that strain on the relationships. It’s so common, sex is underrated in many relationships as a source of both good and Ill. People think of it as a passtime, a bit of fun. But it’s more than that and can strengthen or damage a marriage to a huge degree.

    Glad you guys found a solution early. Took us years. Most of our friends and acquaintances still haven’t from what my wife hears.

    M



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