Cage increases frustration. Who knew?

November 15, 2010

Belle has had a rough few days. Raising two kids so close together is not easy. This is one of the reasons we are playing with chastity. There isn’t always much time to play. Aside from Friday, there hasn’t really been much play during this session (currently 11 days). Belle has been spotting so that doesn’t help.

The lack of play is ok. I totally understand it and the point of our version of MC is to play only when she wants it. Mission accomplished right? What I am having trouble with is less attention. I’m not feeling the constant high because I’m not being pushed. I knew that things would wane a bit, but not this much. I can tell myself that it is all part of the plan but I know it isn’t.

Being locked up makes it worse. I tried explaining it to Belle last night but I don’t think I did a good job. It is like my cock is in prison and is going crazy without visitors. It is lonely in there.

Now it has only been 36 hours but it is difficult to ease into this when the first two nights in it have gone with minimal play. Last night I was shaved, but back in the cage and was not touched since. I was going to give her oral last night but she decided later she wasn’t in the mood. Totally fine! I was hoping she would at least hold my cage until we fell asleep but she didn’t touch it at all.

I’m sure I’m reading too much into this, but I guess it is normal when trying to get used to your genitals being in solitary confinement. I just hope when Belle is feeling better I get some more teasing. Especially throughout the day. She is so good at getting me worked up when we are apart.

Aside from this, I’m really liking it so far. I wanted a mindfuck and thats what I’m getting.



  1. What I am having trouble with is less attention. I’m not feeling the constant high because I’m not being pushed. I knew that things would wane a bit, but not this much. I can tell myself that it is all part of the plan but I know it isn’t.

    It is hard. Sometimes, very hard. And you’ll feel discouraged and you might even get pissed and argumentative. I’ve been there myself, many times. I can’t give you any good advice other than I know how you feel and that it does get better over time.

    The question is whether you want it to. The flavor of MC you’re playing is a lot like Belle Fille and mine. For me, it’s required my distinctly male sexuality conform to her female POV. It doesn’t go quietly, let me tell you. Two years later I can’t tell you I’m totally there, but I’m finding much longer and deeper periods of acceptance than I used to. I admit there’s a part of me that mourns the loss of what used to be me. MC like we do it tends to meld the two partners’ sexuality in a way that seems additive to the woman’s and subtractive to the man’s. That’s not meant to be negative at all or accusatory, but that’s how it feels to me. The cage on your cock is also a symbol of the cage placed on *your* distinctive sexuality.

    I think this sacrifice and the accompanying mental effects are often overlooked by the wank crowd because they’re not really living this. Maybe I’m reading too much into your words and projecting myself into them. Maybe not. In either event, I feel your pain. The best possible thing you can do right now is make sure your Belle knows how you feel.

    • You hit a bullseye.

      I’m not angry. I’m also not writing it to accuse her of anything. This blog has become my “chastity diary” and it would be wrong of me to not to write how I feel.

      None of this is a dealbreaker by any means. Just a little frustrating. Moreso now that I’m locked up. I kind of expected the first couple of nights with the device to excite her.

  2. The mental side of MC is what is so appealing to me.. and this exactly shows why.. Lock up the little head for a while.. even a short while and the big head goes on a rampage.. :).. I say that in a nice way..

    Control is a funny thing… Your perception of control and Belle’s might be different.. and it is coming to light now that a piece of steel is really locked on..

    Who knows..maybe Belle planned it that way.. I wonder if she is smiling to herself now.. As Oprah might say!! “You Go Girl”..

    Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.. usually works well..

  3. Sorry I keep letting you down. I will try harder.

    • You aren’t letting me down and I don’t want you to think that. This just isn’t easy. 🙂

  4. Life does sometimes get in the way like that. We try to do just a little of something every day, if only a few seconds. Remember that she’s getting used to this, too.

    It is a bit of a shock not being able to touch yourself. It’s been several years since we first started with this, so it’s difficult to remember – back when I thought 4 days to a week was a long time.

    • Yeah seriously. 4 days was an eternity. Now I’m craving weeks. The high needs to be there though. I just need constantly reminded that she is in control but we are in this together. Maybe I’m being a whiney bitch and I’ll get better. It hasn’t even been 2 days and I’m sure there is a mental breaking in period along with the physical learning curve.

      • Just bad timing, that’s all. You got the JB, it is your first experience, and it turned everything up a couple notches for you. Then life got in the way, which happens.

        Something to remember is that this just changed the game for her, and she’ll likely need time to figure out how it works for her.

        Part of this whole experience is learning to let go and give her the space she needs to define things how she wants. Which is much easier said than done.

        I can’t blame you – I’d be a little whiney too under the same circumstances. Always good to vent.

        BTW, your post from the other day was extremely hot – we had to go back to bed after reading it 😎

  5. When I started keyholding and chastity play I spent a lot of time reading the “fantasy” forums probably written by a lot of one handed typist, but the over impression that I came away with was “once locked – it is all about the Keyholder” Take away that part of a man body that supposedly takes up 98% of their time and energy and now all that energy can be refocused on the Keyholder..

    Interesting that in real life, as it normally is, it is not like that.. or it is a struggle to make reality match fantasy.. sometimes is comes up short..

    • You are right. It is all about her. I want it to be all about her. I guess I’m just struggling with letting everything else go. When this was started we both knew we were going to have to adjust. We have both adjusted quite a bit. I guess we just haven’t really met in the middle yet. We have plenty of time.

      One thing I do hate with chastity play is when she apologises or tries to justify why she is tired or doesn’t feel good. It isn’t necessary. If she were just forceful with me, it would be more like she is in control and less like we both have a say in it. That is how things were before MC. I don’t want to go back to the way things were, especially if I have to wear this thing too. I crave sex but I also crave denial. As long as I have one of them I’ll be happy.

      • My last observation and then I will get back to work..

        Why is there an exception on your part that you and her have to meet in the middle??.. If it is all about her as you agreed above.. shouldn’t that “meeting” be closer to her side??.. :)..

      • One thing I do hate with chastity play is when she apologises or tries to justify why she is tired or doesn’t feel good. It isn’t necessary. If she were just forceful with me, it would be more like she is in control and less like we both have a say in it.

        I could have written that myself. It only adds insult to injury when, on top of feeling bad for feeling the way I do, I realize she feels guilt. Women in our culture are socialized to do this kind of thing even though it seems to fly in the face of the dynamic we’re living under.

  6. We are actually no where near the middle. We are so far to my side that he can no longer see his side. And I love him very much for it.

    • I guess it is just easier to see my place if you put me in it. 😉

  7. This is the life we have bought into. There is the potential for very long periods of denial ( and no tease). I have been in the exact same position you described. In our situation, it’s really the norm. I still feel the desire to be pushed and teased, but I have to resist the urge to make Goddess feel bad for not delivering. Most refer to that as “topping from the bottom” in D/s terms. Thumper is completely correct in his comments. Hang in there buddy.

  8. This has given me an idea for a blog post which I’ll be writing for tomorrow but in the meantime, you get a sneak peek. One thing that Ab and I do, and I think it’s important, is to talk about chastity every single day. Usually we do it at dinner and we’ve gotten to the point where we kid a little beforehand…”Oh, it’s time to talk about sex!”. But it is important to clarify what each of us is thinking, what our expectations are. When I am feeling anxious about him being out of his device, I say so. It was during one of these chats that we clarified our access to the key/expectations for release during naptime and also established our expectations for my trip last week. We check in with each other to see if we want to have sex that night and how extensive it might be.

    I believe it was Atone who said that the number one chastity game is person A thinking what he/she wants and person B is supposed to read his/her mind. That can be very true and Ab and I have taken this to heart with our daily check-in chats. Might be something for you to think about, too.


    • While I would love to have a chastity-chat every night, I’m pretty sure this is the last thing my wife wants. Dev, I think your situation is very unique in that you initiated the chastity play. You’re also a prolific sex blogger, so it’s a normal thing for you to think about sex all day, if not every hour of the day. The communication problem is real; the question is how to have this communication without alienating her.

  9. Some thoughts on what you wrote:

    I think it is difficult for us men because we are always aware of our chastity (especially if we are in a device). Our women, however, do not have that constant physical reminder. For me, sometimes I have to remind myself that just because I’m (almost always) thinking about it doesn’t mean she is.

    I see myself in your feelings right now. Think about it for a moment. Didn’t you just recently have a super hot night with a riding crop and a dildo and such? And now, just a few days later, here you are wanting something more. I was in that situation just recently and it led me to pressure Melissa – which was one of the things MC was supposed to stop – and which caused her to have doubts about the whole thing for several days. Remember all the heat MC has brought so far and know that the heat will come again. It just may not be when you want it. But isn’t that kind of why we’re doing this?

    Sometimes all I want or need is for Melissa to just say one thing like: “You’re never going to cum again without my permission.” That’s all. Say that and I’ll be happy for the night. The only problem is that’s unlike her personality. She’s learning to do it, but it will take some time. I know what it’s like to crave that control; that one little bit of attention that says I haven’t been forgotten. So simple – just a few words. Yet, this is easy for me and pretty tough for Melissa to do. I find myself wanting to “lead” her in this (top her), and I have to reign myself in and tell myself to give her time to grow in her role. She hasn’t forgotten me – she just doesn’t mention it as much as I’d like.

    Anyway, keep at it.


    • Yes, that is it exactly. I guess I was just expecting the arrival of the device to be a source of excitement. I was thinking it was going to take things to a new level and it really hasn’t. I guess my expectations were just set too high. Not a difficult thing to do.

      • I too know what you write about all too well. Trying to mold her response to your liking will most likely lead to her feeling that she’s “not doing it right.” I think she has to be able to say “no I don’t want you” in her own way. She has to be able to put “I’m sorry” in front of “not tonight” to make her feel better about denying you, if that’s what she wants to do, rather than forcefully saying “no” just so that you get a charge out of it. I’m not saying that your feelings don’t matter, they do, but putting her needs before yours is part of the game, and it’s one of the harder things to do.

  10. […] realized yesterday, somewhat in response to a blog post at Nuts4Belle, that Ab and I talk about chastity every single day. It may be only a minute or two or some days […]

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