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The animal in me…

September 15, 2011

I’ve had yet another epiphany and need input. Be warned, this is more of a long ramble than a blog post. I’m typing it on my iphone, but I need to get it out there while it is somewhat clear in my head. This one I am quite excited about and it might explain a lot.

Something about my submissiveness has always bothered me. It is hard to explain but I often don’t relate very well to other submissives. For example, every once in a while, I will watch some of the free videos on kink.com. The dominant women on there very much turn me on but the submissive men tend to turn my stomach a bit.

Now please, don’t take me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being a sub, or a sissy, or whatever else it is that gets you going. That is totally cool that you can express yourself in that way and get your kink on. That just isn’t my thing. I’m sure a lot of people have been watching some porn and have been put off by something right? That is how I feel watching a lot of the stuff on there. I find myself wishing they would make some videos of guys who aren’t overly submissive getting fucked by these women.

For a while I have been struggling with the fact that some of these acts are my kink, but watching them, and sometimes reading about them totally turn me off. I think I know why now.

In my fantasy, I’m not inferior. If anything, I’m in the superior role sexually. This in a way mirrors real life. I’m NOT saying that I’m better or more experienced or anything like that, I’m saying that my sex drive is higher. This is a big reason we are practicing male chastity.

In my fantasy, I am almost like a sexual animal that would tear a woman apart. I’m not a sissy. I don’t crave degredation(sometimes I do in a small way but I’ll discuss that later).

So where does Belle come in to play? I am obediant to her. I crave the control of a strong woman. I want to be contained(caged) until she has a desire. At that point I want to be guided. Being an obediant sexual animal, I will do anything she wants. I have the ability to fuck the hell out of her and satisfy the hell out of her if that is what she wants. This differs from most of what I have read about submissive relationships. In their scenarios, the sub does what he can and the dom tells him he is worthless and cannot satisfy her. Belle knows I can satisfy her, if she lets me loose. I am locked away for safe keeping…to keep me controlled. She gives me what I need to stay sane. She knows what is best for me and doesn’t neglect me, but she doesn’t give in. She keeps me horny so I am attentive and always ready to do what she needs done. She is the boss afterall.

So is this an established kink? I’m not talking about puppy or pony play (although I guess it sounds a lot like breaking a horse though I’m certainly not hung like one) because that does nothing for me and isn’t what I’m envisioning. It has nothing to do with any kind of fantasy beastiality because I’m using the term sexual animal as a metaphor. It is about being a manly sub I guess.

I want to be Belle’s best kept secret. Her own personal sex toy that she literally has locked away for her pleasure. I want to be hers and hers alone. Under her control and humbled. Ready to pleasure her at a second’s notice.

Does anyone else think of chastity this way? Am I crazy or is this a real thing. If so, does it have a name?

-Jnuts

11 comments

  1. Well, that’s an interesting post… I certainly don’t crave denigration, humiliation, or sissification… I totally get what you mean about wanting to be her ‘best kept secret’… and yeah the trouble with videos is they tend to be a bit too much over the top on the subiness of the subs. I think what we do is hard to capture on film because it’s such a mental thing. I think if you think of it like this, if I video’d Mistress R stroking my cock for five minutes and then stopping… that wouldn’t make a good clip really… but it certainly feels great to me!
    So the people that want to make videos they have to make it more visual, so they up the humiliation, put a pair of panties on the guy, etc etc….
    I think what you are saying is that you don’t want to be identified as ‘one of them’ you want to maintain your manliness and your dignity. I think that’s one of the tricky areas of what we do, because you have to give over control but also avoid becoming a ‘bitch’ in her eyes.
    Having read a lot about chastity it’s quite common that one big objection to it from the women’s point of view is that they don’t want their husband to become a ‘pansy’ for want of a better word, and I think once you get past this, it becomes a lot easier for the whole chastity thing to work it’s magic…


  2. Those are some good points. I know that it is acting and not sex. I guess when you are in the heat of a solo moment, that escapes you.

    Not being identified as “one of them” isn’t really that big of a deal to me because I don’t care what those outside my bedroom think. It is more my frame of mind. I have known that a lot of that wasn’t my thing, I was just confused why a lot of the acts were if I interested in the baggage.

    I have since talked to Belle about this and she is cool with it. It sounds like it was a lot more similar to how she was envisioning things anyway.

    One thing is for sure. It turns me on a lot more thinking of myself as my wife’s toy.


  3. I identify with your feelings completely here. I would prefer to be in a D/s relationship in which I envision myself much like the pet lion. Faithful and protective of his Mistress, but still powerful and a force to be reckoned with. Likewise, I don’t expect or desire a Domme to perceive me as inferior, but rather as a powerful, self-possessed person who has given her the gift of my loyalty and submission.


    • I love the lion metaphor. That is perfect. I like to think of myself as Wolverine…although the retractable claws are replaced by retractable vibrators. 🙂

      I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this way. I was starting to think I was.


  4. You’re far from alone and I also think it’s an unhelpful generalisation to think that women believe that chaste men are somehow wimpy and inferior. I think porn over emphasises everything to get a point made. The idea of a man gifting his sexuality in the service of his woman is amazingly hot. Think brave knights and warriors in service to their queen- still think it’s for wimps? Smug cocksmen are tedious, self centred, boorish and unattractive. Chaste men are noble, self aware and somehow quite powerful for their control.

    Feel better now?


  5. Good, so you should 😉


  6. This is an excellent example of the fact that we are all different. I am not saying anything new here. The standard pornography available is decided by producers of limited intelligence, not by the potential users of the product. I have given up on the crap that is out there. I still get a thrill out of real stories where there is even a hint of sexual play of certain type. As for what turns us on, well, I have my preferences, but am willing to learn.


  7. “I love the lion metaphor. That is perfect. I like to think of myself as Wolverine…although the retractable claws are replaced by retractable vibrators.”

    LMAO I love it.

    You are NOT alone. Your post put words to feelings that I share and You said it better than I could. I can’t wait for M to come home and show her.

    PS great blog and it’s wonderful that Belle posts too.

    Thanks


    • Thank you very much for the compliment! I’m glad that there are people that can relate to my rambling. I was a bit concerned when I hit publish on this one because it was kind of all over the place!


  8. Everyone is different, but I can relate to many aspects of what you say here. We are just exploring the edges of chastity and female led relationship. I appear to crave it deeply, my wife is adverse to having me in a position where I don’t appear to be the strong one. She also has a very tough time doing anything that physically hurts me (she’s a nurse), even though I love and crave having her do so.
    So I really like the idea of the controlled animal and sex toy. I think she would too.
    I have started giving her control of my orgasm by telling her she deserves to come first and that I wish to be denied until she does and she has enjoyed that even though she finds it contrary. It’s only a start, but we recently went 36 hours of her having 3 orgasms (she is not easily orgasmic) and lots of teasing arousal while I held out for my self imposed denial of not having any till she had her 3.
    We tend to switch so the next day she was bound, spanked, whipped and I had my orgasms!



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