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Getting closer to permanent denial?

October 16, 2011

Belle and I had a pretty wild session last night. She knew I wanted spanked. She used the flogger on me, broke the riding crop on me, and made good use of our nipple clamps. Physically, it was great. However, I could tell she wasn’t there mentally.

After she abused me a little while, she told me we were done. I was left wanting but not in a good way. I could tell she had not enjoyed the session and that makes me feel as though I’m not doing my job. I begged to take care of her and she said she was fine. I wanted her to be more than fine. So I did what any loving husband would do and I forced her on her back and took off her pants. By this time we were both laughing because it was such an odd role reversal. I asked her if she was going to stop me and she told me no.

I tried with my mouth for a bit and she informed me that wasn’t going to do it. She told me to get the key and I fucked her. In the end she did cum and I, of course, did not. I really wanted to though. Sometimes I enjoy the feeling of denial and happily pull out with a feeling of satisfaction. This wasn’t one of those times. I wanted to cum. I knew it wasn’t happening and I would regret it if I did, but that didn’t stop me from wanting it. An orgasm for me is 80% emotional and 20% now, and there was no way I emotionally wanted to cum during a mediocre session. It was the 20% of me that was trying to have its way and well…it needs to know its role and shut the fuck up.

So anyway, back in the cage I went.

Belle and I discussed several things afterwards. The first of which being her mental state with chastity. She doesn’t know when I will have my next orgasm and she no longer feels guilty making me go a long time. A “long time” is subjective anyway and since physically I don’t “need” an orgasm, time between them shouldn’t really matter.

For the first time, permanent denial is somewhat appealing to me. I know it won’t happen, but perhaps more of a semi-permenant denial is in the cards. Long sessions, months at a time, maybe someday a year…who knows. When I do cum, maybe she will only allow me that one orgasm. As I’ve said before, it is often too intense to enjoy. I crave the second one so perhaps that one will be permanently denied. I don’t like the hormone spikes after I get release. I really hate them. So much that I would truely consider giving up my orgasms in order to keep myself leveled off. This would take a lot of mental stimulation I think. This brings me to our next topic we discussed.

A new device. We have been talking about a new device for a while. We will be buying one with our tax return. We have discussed a Steelheart as well as a Pet Trap. She said she is fine with either device but wants me to realize that with the Steelheart, I will have to go weeks without ANY stimulation since there are no holes in it like my Jailbird. It will not be a reason to be unlocked more frequently. This will take some thought. Not sure I’m ready to give up that aspect. Although the appeal to the Steelheart is that denial as well as denial of seeing my cock. It may be a little much for me. I told her that if this is the case, I will need even more mental stimulation.

This opened up a new discussion. When she was spanking me earlier in the evening, she asked me what I liked about it. At that point I replied that I didn’t know. Now that I was thinking more clearly, I was ready to give her an answer. It is the loss of control. I crave the mind fuck. In all sexual situations, my organ that needs stimulated isn’t really my penis, it is my brain. Belle differs from me in that she fears the loss of control. Perfect right? She is top, I am bottom, good deal. Not so much. She has to be in the right mood for that kind of play and that doesn’t happen very often. She also has a huge dropoff after orgasm…much like myself, and the fear of embarassment or having to discuss it after stops her from letting loose. Thus we have a new rule. Unless she brings it up, we are not allowed to discuss the kinky things we do in the heat of the moment. Until she gets more comfortable with it, if I want the wild stuff, she doesn’t want to talk about it. I am allowed to blog about it. She will read the blogs to find out how things are going on my end, but we won’t discuss face to face. This may sound a little out there but for us it is not. That is really how our blog started. It was a way for us to communicate to each other in the way that we were more comfortable. Through written words. We just invited you all to read just because it was kinkier and it may help someone sort out their own feelings. A lot of the things we discuss on here are now fair game in face to face conversations because we have gotten more comfortable. I’m sure this new stuff will get there as well, it will just take time.

She has always held back because she is afraid I will think she is a freak afterwards. I had to remind her that my cock is in a cage and I really want a hook up my ass and for her to piss on me. Who is the freak?

One more thing. Since I most likely won’t be cumming before vacation, I jokingly told Belle she should send my key to her friend who is meeting us when we go. She knows about our lifestyle and has always been one to ask tons of questions. I was only half joking when I suggested this. Granted it still is a ways away, and I wouldn’t want to be locked up for that long without some out of cage play, maybe a few weeks before we leave… It would really get me going knowing you sent the key to her for safe keeping and that you really want to unlock me but you can’t so I’ll just have to please you in other ways. We have an emergency key, but sex isn’t an emergency. If I know your friend, she would definitely enjoy rubbing it in a bit. I don’t know if you would be comfortable with that or not. I just want you to know that I’m game. Think about it. 🙂

Alright everyone. Get off the computer and go do something productive. Guys, why do you torture your poor cocks reading stuff like this while locked in a cage?

-Jnuts

5 comments

  1. Really intersting, thoughtful post…. Thanks.


  2. Great post. I totally understand what you say about using your blog as a method of communication, it’s not always perfect but it does make it easier for you to lay out your honest thoughts without second guessing yourself when you see an initial reaction.


  3. When I do cum, maybe she will only allow me that one orgasm. As I’ve said before, it is often too intense to enjoy.

    It is almost *always* the case that second is better than the first one after a long period of denial. I totally get what you’re saying there.

    Also, get the Steelheart! Join the club! 😉


  4. Permanent denial of the second orgasm is perhaps more realistic and doesn’t remove so much of her ‘power’..


  5. um…when locked in the cage, what else is there to do to the poor cock but torture it by reading posts such as these?



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