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The woman of my non-existent dreams…

November 8, 2011

So, why can’t I fantasize about Taylor Swift?

My brain gets in the way. I am a very logical thinker. I over-plan everything. Because of this, I can’t fantasize about something that isn’t thought out and feasible. This is most likely why most of my fantasies lately have consisted of being forced to either watch my wife with someone else (always women…I do tend to get jealous so cuckolding is never going to be in the cards…sorry folks) or myself being forced to be a slave and pleasuring my wife’s friends on her command. Neither of these scenarios are likely to happen, but they are feasible and could possibly happen. So why not Taylor?

To understand this, you have to understand how my brain works. Here is how this scenario would go.

——————————————————-

So I get settled in with my favorite lube. All ready to go. Really horny and set on fantasizing about fucking Taylor.

BRAIN: You can’t just fuck Taylor Swift.

Me: Why not?

BRAIN: She is not a slut. She has morals. You would have to be in a relationship with her in order to sleep with her. Why don’t you fantasize about Lindsey Lohan instead?

Me: Nope, pretty set on Taylor. Lets just pretend I am in a relationship with her. And go.

BRAIN: You can’t be in a relationship with her. You are married. She is not a slut. She has morals. Why don’t you fantasize about Lindsey Loh…

Me: Ok, I get it. What if I wasn’t married?

BRAIN: Does not compute. You are married.

Me: Just pretend we are divorced then. I only need 5 minutes.

BRAIN: Why did you get divorced? You love each other.

Me: I don’t know, irreconcilable differences, who cares?

BRAIN: Who has custody of the children?

Me: Why does it matter? I’m just trying to have a fantasy here!

BRAIN: Even if you got a divorce, it is still not possible for you to have a relationship with Taylor Swift.

Me: Why not?

BRAIN: She is a celebrity.

Me: Stroke of luck, we meet, fall in love, blah blah blah.

BRAIN: She doesn’t care that you have previously been married and have two children?

Me: It made her apprehensive at first, but she got over it.

BRAIN: It is still not possible for you to be in a relationship with Taylor Swift.

Me: WTF?!?! What now?

BRAIN: Your ex-wife, in a jealous rage, would disclose to her the fact that for years she kept you in a chastity device at your request. She would also inform her of your desire to swallow your own cum and that you like to be fucked in the ass. This would repulse Taylor. She would leave you and release a hit single entitled “I can’t love Freaks in Cages”. You would be left alone and the entire world would sing (badly) in the shower and on their commutes to and from work about you and your crazy kinks.

Me: Nevermind. I’m going to go make a sandwich.

BRAIN: Wash your hands first.
——————————————————————

So as you can see. My brain hates me. This is why I will never be able to fantasize about fucking Taylor Swift. It is too much work and would be far too depressing. This is not to say that I can’t sit back and jerk off to pictures of Taylor. It just can’t get anymore involved than that. Boring.

-Jnuts

PS. Again, Taylor, please don’t sue me.

2 comments

  1. Made me laugh…


  2. LOL!



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