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Not so crazy after all….

November 17, 2011

Well, in terms of the drop off I feel after an extreme play session that is. I recently read Jay Wiseman’s “SM 101” book for our review site. 90% of the book was not for me, it dealt with others in the SM community who were looking to enter into it with no set partner. However one thing did jump out at me and make me reread a section, what he referred to as “Top Drop.” This is term was used to define the feeling that the Top, or Domme, feels the day or two after a session.

As Jnuts and I venture deeper into the pain play and mild SM, I have noticed that for a couple of days after a session I feel pretty weird. I do question what I did and why. I know that he wants it, but I still wonder why. I worry about what others would think if they knew, and I question what he thinks of someone who is willing to hurt him. It is not something that is overwhelming or huge, it is more of a funk. Hard to determine what I feel, other than I don’t feel right. It took reading that book for me to even realize that the periods of funk were occurring following the sessions. It makes sense if you think about it though. Where in our culture is acceptable to bind and whip anyone, let alone someone you love? Being in control of a session can take a huge emotional toll on someone. The well being of someone else is in their hands. Not only do they have to provide for their pleasure, but also the very basic need of their safety.

This is causing a little bit of a problem for Jnuts and I. Following a session like we had a few nights ago with the bondage tape and belt, he is all worked up and ready to go. I am the opposite. I don’t want any type of sexual contact, I feel very wierd about the whole thing.

I am trying to work through it Babe, give me a little bit of time.

Belle

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